Saga's diary...
26/1 -99
Dear diary...
Soon I will turn 18...what a feeling! The world beneath my feets..okey I'm just dreaming but some nice things there are!
I'm allowed to go out with my boyfriend....yippie!!! HUG everybody!!!
10/1 -99
Dear diary...
I'm happy...maybe I shouldn't...I haven't done all those Physics I should...but I'm happy in my heart, for one sake. I probably shouldn't say so.
Love is an insecure area...often you feel confused and don't know what you or the oter one feel, I don't know..maybe I just don't care today...maybe I'm secure...just in this moment...but it's better to not think of it at all!
Then you don't get into those complicated thoughts of love... I look forward to my birthday coming up soon..it's my eightteenth. I hope it will be special. I'm thinking of inviting some of my friends, nothing special, but just for my sake.
I've got to know DjStiffy's friend NiDO a bit...he seems too like a really nice guy. I honestly want to meet them...just for friendship but that should count too? But, you can never now about the future... *smile* I haven't really got rid of my cold yeat...annoying. I'm trying to start a mailinglist...a one where everyone can discuss..life,love..anything they like! The goal is new friends...you can't get to many of the good ones!
/ Saga
30/12 -98
Dear diary...
Hi...worst of all is that the holiday seems to come to an end pretty soon..
Damn! I'm ill too....my throat and back....don't even talk about it...good I can't talk here...
Czar is away...he called...it was nice to hear his voice...that he is doing well and so.
That is important! Tomorrow it's New Year's Eve...I hope it will be a nice time with my friends.
I hope I will be better too...take care and a Happy New Year!!!
27/12 -98
Dear diary...
X-mas is over...nice or sad, I don't know. I probably should do all those things for school
but I just enjoy the freedom of not going to it.
Two parties is coming up. I hope they will be fun...something
to remember in the long spring before summer. Czar is on a week journey right now...starting today...I suppose I will think it last forever! :o)
Just me...I hate when he goes away...I don't know why...it's gonna feel as he's not existing.
Not even a phone call....
I do like to hang out on the net...but I'm concerned over the phone bill. That's why I'm not so often online since a couple of weeks. One dream of mine is to get a permanent connection for
an certain unchangable price. Or atlest not changing with hours or days...permanent for each month or so. I think that this forum is very important...it makes people all over the world get closer to each other menthally. That will secure that no third
worldwar will come to an existance.
22/12 -98
Dear diary...
Hi...have avoid being on the net for a while....mum and the phone bill...I am tired...but much better than before school finished... X-mas is heading with a rush....
I think it will be nice...hopefully calm. I'm very glad over the response to my site.People that write into my guestbook may recieve a mail from me...about the subject.
I want to say to you all out there in our world....a very merry christmas!!
9/12 -98
Dear diary...
I haven't written in a pretty long time now...
I've been busy with other things...or just sleept to
save some strength. I realise that christmas is rather close now...
I have still not bought any gifts.
I don't know what to buy? That's just one part of the truth...
I'm also looking over my finacial situation.
I should be very careful with spending money...that's a little bit sad.
Atleast do I think so. I really want to give people I love
things they really like...but I'm kind of afraid that this year
they will have to satisfy with the thought...that I do care.
It's awful...but true. At the same time I don't wanna feel
guilty during christmas...because my resources are limited.
I don't love less...
School is still hard...maybe it will ease soon,
but I don't dare to believe. We finish this term at dec. 18.
Only working on the songs for the church will take a lot of effort...
but I hope they will be appreciated!
This weekend I will join a party at one of my friends.
I hope that a male friend of mine will show up too...
I would really enjoy it...I've been waiting for it a very long time.
His name in this world is DjStiffy.
I don't think he knows how I feel about him.
Now it sounds like a major crush, but it isn't.
He seems to be a wonderful guy and I want to get
to now him better before I make any further statements.
But if we never meet, I wont be able to recognise what I feel....
so
3/12 -98
Dear diary...
I look like a fool on that pic on my site. Nothing to do about it...maybe I
will get another in the future? I'm tired...but I don't care...hihi...foolish...yes..but...
if you didn't get it...I don't run for doing studies right now...oh...I gonna work on my page now...ciao...
2/12 -98
Dear diary...
Life seems good some days...just one lession today...nice...I sleept a lot of my afternoon...after I met Czar a couple of hours...
I have to think about my christmas presents soon...it's hard to find something really good for the people you love.
I feel better in my heart now. I think I know more about what I want, I think that's a good sign.
Oh...I just want our holiday now....the feeling of christmas-times is some of the best...I wish you a merry x-mas...!!! :-)
1/12 -98
Dear diary...
The dark clouds on my heaven seems to leave...so called imagined problems, probably.
I was very sad a couple of days....but my tears are drying. Everything gets blurred by time...also this...good comes before bad.
Now I should go sleeping...before I destroy my joy with sleepness.
30/11 -98
Dear diary...
Still I haven't got rid of my confusion...I tried...but complicated things even more...
I didn't want to...it wasn't on purpose...sorry! This gets me even more...confused...I think I quit for this time...
29/11 -98
Dear diary...
Why can't life be easy? Everything black or white? Now it's really blurred. A lot of grey. Complex...hard to understand...o hell...why am I blind? I want my feelings to be easilly analyzed.
Now they are just a mess. I beg people to listen even though they can't help me. I can't scream...I want to scream. Want to be heard. Of who I don't know.
Oh God...if there is...give some light in my confusion.
28/11 -98
Dear diary...
My life is a mess. Okey...some things are good...some bad. My emotional life is bad. Very bad.
I'm confused...very confused. I hate myself. No I don't. Yes I do. I don't know.
Hard to tell, hard to let go. Sad, not happy. Happy, not sad. What is true? What is false? I do not know.
Damn!!! I hate this! Get rid of all emotions! What a boring life...can't live with them, can't live without them...
Just as boys.....okey, you can live with them. I'm just so damn confused....I could use some help...
25/11 -98
Dear diary...
I'm exhausted...my pillow seems to be heaven. Okey...I'm only tired, but I could be exhausted?
Right now I'm talking with my friends on ICQ, the ultimate tool for keeping contact.
I'm pretty bad on that. Friendship is for me ain't just that ordinary thing with
seeing each other every other day...it's more like that when you talk to a person it feels like you are "connected" and understand each other.
That's why people I hardly ever see...can be really good friends to me. To be able to trust and believe a friend is maybe some of the most important things to hold a friendship going.
So I apologize to all my friends for those days I haven't taken contact and in your eyes taken the friendship for granted.
24/11 -98
Dear diary...
I feel guilt. I should, right now, be studing math for my 3h examination tomorrow.
but I haven't got nor strength or will. It feels still unreal that my friend took the plane to USA...
I see her walking around even that I know that she don't. I'm kind of proud of myself...I have managed to get a simple homepage within
a few days... My phone is dead...maybe I should quit this and call my boyfriend...Czar. We've been together in a period of over one year now.
I can still feel that I'm lucky that got such a good first boyfriend.
He is my first real love. I will remember him altrough my life `cause of the beautiful memories he has given me.
23/11 -98
Dear diary...
...ouh! I feel sad...one of my friends moves back to the States after 1½ year here in Sweden.
It feels very strange...I couldn't hardly hug her goodbye...my eyes were filled with tears...
22/11 -98
Dear diary...
Right now I have found a new passion...my new homepage. It is my first...and I hope that I can get it as good as I want..probably not. I do often head for the stars...but then fall flat to the ground.
I should not complain...I have got a lot of things that people want...for example...this PC. I have my friends, I hope they still are, that support me in good or bad times.
I wonder what people will think of my site right now..I want it to be my World...where I can rule...or what to call it.
Strange that I need it...but it feels so...here I can show what I want...can almost say anything...my "forum".